It's homework we have to do

[What about the men!?]

This past Tuesday we hosted an information booth at the South Seattle Community College's Women's Health Fair. It was always nice to be surrounded by a bunch of great local organizations like DAWN and Big Brothers Big Sisters and there was a bustle of students right from the beginning who were eager to talk to us/get their class homework finished. It turned out that an instructor for a class there has given the students homework of visiting this fair and talking to eight different organizations to "find out what they do." Some wanted to get their work done and get out as quickly as they could while some were genuinely curious. You stop by and learn or you don't. It's the nature of tabling at events.

"Are you like an environmental organization? I see lots of plants and trees..."

Of course it wouldn't be a tabling event if there weren't at least a handful of men (and women, but let's face it, it's mostly men) who immediately after learning that NB is a domestic violence organization ask somewhat defensively if we serve men. Once I give the answer (yes we do, but only in certain capacities), they usually get even more defensive and talk about how there's nothing available for men. It never gets old because it tells me that people want to be angry that this service isn't as widely available for men (regardless of the actual rates of interpersonal violence against men) instead of actually seeing what's in front of them: that the rates of men's violence against women are unspeakably high(er).

I try to imagine the last time someone became angry at Child Protective Services for not having all the same programs for parents who are abused by their children as for children who are abused by parents.

The table on the left was for Vegetarian awareness and the table on the right was for a medical program at the UW.

Another thing that always stands out for me is when I talk to people who come by our booth, many say that they don't know anyone that's been in an abusive relationship. They say that it's not in their family or their friends don't have abusive boyfriends. Which I can actually believe. You may not know of anyone within your circle of friends that's in an abusive relationship but that doesn't mean some of your friends aren't actually in one. When I tell people the rates of violence (we all know the stats, one in three, one in four), they're a little stunned. I tell them to take a look around the room. The statistics speak for themselves.

"Um, what do you do?"

A personal goal of mine when tabling at events like these is to try and have each person walk away with how they can better help a friend or coworker if they're in an abusive relationship. Working on the help-line has especially given some perspective on this (and I'm sure volunteers can speak to this also). When I ask people what they wold do to help someone, most are unsure. They say "I'd just be angry at the boyfriend/husband." When I say that oftentimes it can be a big help to believe the person, to listen, validate and be there for the person and help to see what the options are so they can make choices, they're a little stunned. It worries me that from the looks of it, this is the first time they're hearing this sort of advice.

Yes, they did have a live cooking demonstration. It's like I was watching a KCTS telethon all over again.